"Or maybe nobody ever says anything" thats how i feel about my teeth that stick out like 2 fangs everytime i smile and my upper lip gets cought in them. Can totally relate about the embarrassment. You seem to be going through a lot, are you okay?
It is definitely not fun so I feel ya! I’m sure you’re teeth are okay though :) and yes I am okay. Thank you so much for asking though. I tend to just spill everything out into rants or poems of some sort and it keeps me sane!
"My parents were never really together. They were - but they weren’t. They were never in a fully committed relationship. They got pregnant with me when they were just dating, and only lived together for maybe two years. When my dad moved to the same city as me and my mom, he drove this really noisy beat up truck that was white with a light blue stripe on the side, copper red rust all over and he named her Emma. My dad would stop by at our place for coffee at random times, or would show up in the evening. Always unexpected but always my favourite surprise. I’d hear Emma from blocks away and I’d run to the nearest window and shmush my face against the screen peering out looking for him. When my parents broke up, I didn’t lose a family unit because I never had a family unit. That part was okay. But days after, weeks after, anytime I heard a vehicle I would run to the window. And I would beg to god "Please let it be daddy. Please be daddy. Please be Emma," but it never was. After about six months, I still ran. One night I asked one more time. "Please be daddy." And the engine revved, and a black truck drove by. And I accepted it. That’s all I lost. It was that dad wasn’t coming over in Emma again. That’s all I lost. A drive by dad. And it still killed."
When I was in DA WOMB (I can’t ever seriously say ‘the womb’) I got nice and crunched up on one side so I’m hella unsymmetrical. Left foot smaller, left leg shorter, but right side of my face way lower - anyone I’ve ever shown or told I make a joke of it. Today I was walking to the grocery store, and I noticed in my shadow that I only swing my right arm. And I looked down and my left arm was just weakly there, cradled to my side. Meanwhile my right arm is swingin’ away in all it’s glory. A series of flashbacks happened, when I was 12 running and noticed I didn’t move my left arm and chose to ignore it. When I would be at the gym in high school and ignored it. And for the first time in my life I felt a deep, deep, deep serious embarrassment about my unbalance. And I know that no body notices. No body ever has. Or maybe no body says anything. But I could’ve died on that sidewalk watching my shadow. I just wanted to crawl into the sidewalk. And I’m so thankful to be so healthy. But fuck, that moment I was about ready to cry